Diving Deeper
February 6th 2021
With each new day it feels like I am diving deeper into myself. I have dedicated so much time and energy into understanding who I am as a unique individual. I’ve been releasing the old versions of me, the virtual assistant who did everything for everyone but nothing for herself, the mom of three who juggled all the things, the wife who spent all her time trying to make things perfect, and so many more versions that feel like lifetimes ago.
Every story of my past plays a part of how I got where I am today and who I am today and I am so grateful for every experience, but there comes a time when you need to let it all go. I was recently told it was okay to mourn the versions of me that I was because even though I see how they aren’t serving me to be them now, I loved them so much. I was advised to look at all those pieces of me and see which parts resonate with who I am now. I can see how being a virtual assistant gave me so many unique skills to do the work I am doing today and although it looks nothing like it did before, the work I am doing now is so much more refined and aligned my soul.
I can see how being the mom who juggled all the things gives me so much love and compassion for those who are still doing the same. It gives me a sense of understanding of what it feels like to be in midst of the chaos and out of control. Somehow from the outside everyone seems to think it’s amazing but you know deep down it feels like you are drowning. Those days show me now what an incredible courageous step it is to say, “I can’t do this anymore.” and make a change.
I can see how trying to be the perfect wife for someone else is the perfect way to lose yourself. The feeling of working so hard to make things work and feeling so unappreciated and undervalued because you don’t even value what would be perfect for you. You shove all your hopes, your dreams, your desires under the table thinking they’ll happen one day, if I can just get through this day, and take care of everyone around me, one day it’ll take care of me. Then finally shifting into the space that recognizes that you can only take care of others when you take care of yourself first opens a gateway into this life filled with self love and purpose.
This life I have lived has provided me so many experiences of rising above the social norms and standing out as a unique person with a unique perspective and a unique path. I’ve released a lot of who I was, I’ve gone into the dark places of not knowing who I am, and I’m seeing the puzzles pieces come together of what I am here to do. We each have this unique path, these experiences that brought us here, and a purpose that shifts the world. All it takes is diving a little deeper.