Observe Before Respond

February 3rd 2021

I’m being reminded today to observe before I respond. There are so many scenarios in this house where I have the opportunity to respond to what the kids are doing in a way that would look like teaching from anyone outside. What I am recognizing is that sometimes when I step in and help or teach prior to allowing them to problem solve I sometimes create more problems rather than solve them.

The ability to take a moment to stop and breath before I respond has resulted in me responding a lot less to things that might not even need a response from me at all. I’ve taken a step back from this teaching role a little and spent more time observing them learn in the process of what I might call their struggle. I’ve found that when I do this if they are still struggling with what they are doing, they quickly come to me and show me they need a response from me. If they aren’t, I take the time to watch them learn and grow in their own timing.

This has not been an overnight shift for me. It’s taken a lot of practice and recognition to take a step back and I still find myself jumping to help or teach at times but it’s been incredible watching these kids grow when I do step back. Today I had the opportunity to jump in to help Max and Payton solve an argument over personal space. Max really loves to be close to who he is with. He’ll get right up snug next to someone and cuddle, watch what they do, and play on his own beside them. It’s something I absoultely adore about him but can also see where it causes frustration in not only myself but others too.

There are times where we each need our own personal space and Payton is the biggest example of that. She loves to have a lot of personal space and usually tends to prefer cuddling when it’s invite only from her. Ocassionaly she finds Max wanting to be near her a good thing but it’s almost always a rare occasion. In a previous scenario I would ask them each to be calm down and be kind to each other, I’d check in with Payton and see if she had room to allow Max to be around while she played and based on her response I would set up the environment to one where it would benefit both of them to be together or I would offer Max a few other options that allowed Payton to be on her own.

This time I took a step back, I watched them argue about space and I watched Payton put a boundary up. She told Max no and said if you want to be near me you can sit here and moved the chair so there was more personal room for her than there was prior. Max didn’t particularly like the answer but he settled for it, hung out for a bit, and then went on his way to the next person he wanted to cuddle with.

There is a lot of work for me involved when I jump in and allowing them to learn how to communicate and come to an agreement is incredible. I was really proud of Payton putting up a boundary since we have been talking about that a lot lately and impressed that Max went with the boundary since he tends to be a wild one when it comes to not getting his way.

It’s impressive how much growth can happen in one interaction.